I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He shit in the fireplace
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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