AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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