i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
