I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
