I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
my poor anus
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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