Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
