he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
