Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
