i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
