Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
