I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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