it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
