I must be too annoying 4 u.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
