she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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