No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have feelings that need drinking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
