His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
