she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
