from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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