i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
