Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
