Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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