One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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