we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
