You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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