My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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