Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
