My nipple is on Facebook.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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