Nicole vs. Life
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
