thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
