Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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