I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
