and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
