hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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