i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
