At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
