in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
