Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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