If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had sex on a roof
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
