I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
