my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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