Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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