i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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