Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
