the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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