There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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