are you so shy because you have an std?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
