i just google imaged poop.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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