Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
