i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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