I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
