I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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