look no pants
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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