Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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