He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
